Just a quick thought....

We often get disappointed not to receive what we desire....

Coz we never realize, what we wish to possess is just an illusion

What we obviously take it for granted is the call of almighty...

is that the reason, we conveniently forget..."God has the ultimate solution?"

I still remember....

"I still remember...

Sitting with mom in kitchen to have those sweets,acting like a good boy..

Going out with dad , just coz I wanted a new toy..

I still remember...

hiding myself under the table, to bunk the school..

my stupid face when school friends made me a fool...

I still remember...

studying really hard when there is exam on the very next day...

feeling proud when I first made god out of the clay...

I still remember...

Hanging out with friends late night...

my foul attempts to please dad after coming home with a bad fight...

I still remember...

when I first saw her with that sudden wave going through my mind...

When we first kissed, making the world around us momentarily blind...

I still remember...

On airport,my mom with her smile and hiding those tears..

her happy voice on the phone, saying "Son,you always are in my prayers"..

I still remember...

meeting an unknown person with a big questionmark...

and then that feel of relief thinking "There is light,it's not always dark"....

I still remember..

each and everything, its just that time is going so fast....

the place and people will be forgotten, but the moments created...they will everlast..."

Connect...it...

I have to admit it...I have been thinking about this topic for a long time now..but never had guts to write on it..now that my dear friend has suggested me to write on it..I m finally penning down my take on Relationships...

I know it doesn't sound that dangerous as it is in reality. When I look at it...I see all kinds and not just a girl and boy relation. "Relations"..Daniel calls it "connections"..I feel its the most appropriate word one can describe relationships with. You need to connect with the other person to build a relation. You need give yourself to get something..and also its a test for your patience. now it sounds dangerous. No I don't want to make this a funny thing..coz its really a damn serious business..

For me, each and every relation I build is important. May be that is the reason I m so curious to know how the other person doing. Some like it, most find it as an interference...but for me..they are important and our relation is important and not their personal life..One thing I have understood is it is equally challenging and difficult to make and sustain a good relation. You can easily predict if there is connection happening or not..and thats the time you have to decide to go ahead with it or let it go. I have always been fascinated by people...there is so much good a person has to offer you and you can give..you just need to know your call and listen to your conscience. Of course each relation has its side effects.. Sometimes you get fooled, sometimes betrayed and most of the times hurt. And it really hurts...but over the time you need to learn to let it go..coz if you sit and calculate, the amount of joy and good values other person gave you still count more than the pain..

What I keep always with me are the good memories. And when you look back or spend time with your own self..they automatically bring a smile. I am still not convinced by this saying that "every relation comes with an expiry date." NO..I don't agree..There are relations which say its wrong..relation with your own self,with your parents, your best friends, and the person you spend your life with...So what if the person dies..you never forget him/her...never forget the moments you have spent..never break the connection, you once made..so how can you say your relationship ended..and then above all these there is a relationship...with god...the most ultimate relation..

Trust me...this is one thing which you constantly do...build connections..sometimes knowingly..sometimes unknowingly...and this whole process makes you the person you are..whatever you do in your life..how big shot person you become..finally what counts are the successful connections you made throughout...its the same thing which is as delicate as a bubble..and at the same time as strong and precious as diamond...so its your call..you wish to have a bubble or a diamond...coz it all depends on you..you need to "connect it.."

Shsssssssssssssssssssssssssssss...!

Hmmmm....I sense it..its been with me for a while now...and I can feel its taking its toll on me...its this silence...I hate it...I hate it...I hate it.....

So much hard I try to run away from it..it finally grabs me....Every nuke n corner...every place its like there and waiting for me...like I have no other way but to surrender....and it just confuses me..I feel it says a lot by not speaking...its neither joy nor sorrow...just a plain..dead silence...I can experience it even with hundreds of people around...it follows me everywhere..in school, job, party..u name it..its there...

And now I feel it within me...I so wanna react to a situation but I choose not to..coz it prevents me...like somebody holding me back...its kinda helping me in some way so I can hold up my energy for something useful..but will it be always a right thing to do...I just sit around here n do nothing..try to analyze wat it wants to say...but I fail...I fail almost everytime and keep wondering about its mystery...One thing for sure..its not bringing any sadness or numbness...so no sign of danger..but then why the hell you wanna be with me dude...? find somebody else..coz I dunn need you...

But I guess I m learning to be at peace with it...learning to keep and hold it within me...like an extra mass within your body..which does nothing but resting there inside..but I know I wanna make use of it...so that I can put a limit to my non stop chattering and unnecessary arguments...I wanna use it to be able to speak to my conscience and to question my abilities and my actions...know my limits and to gain the power to go beyond them...to be able to accept that "Silence definitely speaks louder than words".I hope Mr. Silence you read this...

For someone.......

A blink of an eye, a moment is enough,
to know that its in your favour....
I so want to share this moment with you,
not for now, not for tomorrow but forever....

I didnt realise that it was my call,
How stupid of me, I never knew I started liking this fall....
Its you babes ,I think most of the time,
Coz I know for sure now,If I m with you,I m the one whos gonna sublime....

Now that I know,who your are, what you mean to me......
So I dunn wanna be alone,like a lost ship wandering in a sea...
I dont want you to love me,the way I do,
My love is enough, enough for we two...

Private and confidential....!!!

This is about privacy. The thing which always confuses me. I have been listening to this word for a while now; and every time I get to know a new meaning of it.


I have been pretty active on two social networking sites only and I have seen a lot of people cribbing about their privacy getting invaded. I have a few questions about it. The most basic question is being "If you love your privacy so much what is the reason of joining a public networking site?" The obvious answer one can get is to keep in touch with friends. But I think there are much better ways to do it via email, phone or direct meeting. Also if they are your friends they should be knowing whats happening with you or what kinda person you are so 'about me' or 'info' or 'status msg' things doesn't hold any point. And if you are here to make new friends you certainly can not crib about your so called privacy as you need to share some information rather basic information. For a person like me, I have my own way of keeping my private life apart from these things so I basically do not care.


I love meeting new people so I kinda roam around the site. Yeah I do check the profiles coz it purely entertains. I always wonder when I get scraps or wall postings like "Do I know you?" or "Whos dis? why you visited my profile". I simply do not feel like replying. Of course I don't know you dude..If I would have known you, you would be already in my friend list...and if you want to know me you can go through my profile there is enough information about who really I am. I don't claim to be a super cool guy, but I think these questions don't make any sense, at least not to me.


I still don't get the point a person sitting don't know how many miles away would be so interested in your private life.. or what the hell he is gonna do with it...coz nobody puts confidential information on such sites. so why be so edgy and insecure?


The other funny thing which I am being most of the times accused of is "MY UPDATES". People have so much problem with me chatting or playing stupid quizzes or uploading hundreds of pictures or simply being online. Why? coz they get those updates about me in their profile. I humbly want to request you guys to check your privacy settings and turn the updates option "OFF". coz I know you guys are interested in specific people's updates those you can go and check by visiting their profiles and if you can not take those pains then I really feel sorry for you.


I know this upfront writing is gonna hurt so many peoples sentiments and I will be once again tagged as an idiot and shallow person. Can't help it. just wanted to pen down my thoughts.I wish you good luck with your private life. And yeah I am really expecting some true comments or opinions. So feel free.

I love summers...!!!

I sensed that big gap...but it was kept intentionally..coz simply didn't want to be repetitive. So keeping my emotional turmoil aside...lemme offer something fresh.

I am really enjoying my first summer in San Francisco. The more I roam around, more I am in love with this city. Yeah, have been doing what I am not supposed to do. Studying less and partying more. And those nosy comments of my so called friends make me realize it..(my closest friends ask for more photos instead of accusing me of uploading new photos daily..)..but who cares..They don't know my pictures make me re-live those moments again... Anyways..so here I am roaming around the city and nearby places, meeting new people (which happens to be my favorite hobby) and add more n more to my tiny knowledge bank.

And yes, have met a few wonderful people in this whole act. Happened to meet this person who exactly speaks like my father and who has a lot to offer me..which makes me re-think of my own thoughts and beliefs. I so look forward to meeting him again. All those good lunches and barbeque parties have shown me that people are curious to know more about you and your country. They are ready to share their experiences with you in spite of being in this private world (which I have a really bad experience in my own family oriented country,whom I love.) So I am really happy to be here and trying to gain the most out of my summer break. All refreshed to learn more and give all good I have in me....

While writing this, thoughts of Monterey bay trip next weekend are rendering at the back of mind...so will stop here and do the planning...so a lot more of pictures and memories coming my way...yuppie

Salsa...I love it....!!!

I still dunn believe myself..I finally did it...

I am a complete shy person..and the one who loves to be in his own world. I never imagined myself on the dance floor and enjoying salsa.. But I did it..

Salsa has fascinated me since long back. It has taken a great respect and love due to its fast yet graceful movements. Its a kind of dance where u have your partner with you with a close and constant eye contact. Though people find it girly or something I never felt it that way and in any case who cares..I simply love it.

Frankly, till reaching the dance floor I was so determined not to dance and just play the role of a spectator. But the instructor showed it so effectively and assured it to be a fare deal..my feet almost involuntarily turned to dance floor.

And I enjoyed....like a so long cherished dream fulfilled....I m happy...Thanks SF..atleast I came to throw away my shyness a bit...

A random thought.....

With the events happening...I strongly believe now..."There isn't anything called 'right' or 'wrong'. Its just the matter of how two people look at it."


You can always go on with the argument of being 'right' or 'wrong' with the other person. But you also need to consider other person's side as well. And in almost all cases that person has his explanations. Forget about the truth in their stories, but the most important thing is that, they forget in this fight of being 'right or wrong' that its not gonna take them anywhere. Instead is responsible for the bitterness in the relation. So be it frends, or girlfrends or cousins..I strongly feel that they are eligible for a chance..which I call is as "benefit of doubt"...And why don't we forget what bad happened between and make a new start every time. its always better to learn the art of 'let go' than wasting time.


Of course, fights are necessary for any relation to grow strong, but they should be relevant or rational may be the correct word. I m certainly not any authority, but just thoguht of sharing...Nothing is perfect, we need to make it look perfect. And if thats the case, then everything is 'right' only.

Give it a thought......

American Desi....???

Few days back..while I had an afternoon discussion with my future roomies about my India trip..I was asked to flaunt accent and go all that expected americanized desi way...though discussion was over and was meant for fun...I am still sketching myself in that yuccky figure...I would surely make fool of myself...Though it is also possible that people would still imagine some accent in my speaking but who cares...

So I am here thinking about my weird look...that rings alarm bells for me..never to go for anything like that..Gossh...I m saved...!!!! But I have seen many desis trying to use those fake accent and all those so called american words and they simply look idiots..their true efforts of using that accent in every sentence they speak doesn't impress others at all...At least for me I simple choose to ignore such creatures...No body can become a different person in two, three years...Accepted you are adjusted to a new environment you learn new words ...but the basic tone of speaking your language is a thing that can never ever go away from you...irrespective of how much hard you try...

I dont want to go into the objectionable topics like feeling proud of being Indian and being a patriotic coz I never had such feeling  ..But it doesn't mean I feel sorry being an Indian.. its just an inert feeling...but I dont think that coming to any other country nowadays is a big deal..So why have that fake feeling of greatness in first place...?

Why not be the person you are and present yourself the same way.....the benefit of this, I think is you will be respected for who you are and most importantly your loved ones will never feel of you being 'Changed'....here I think about all this...and I get the news about my friend being 'changed'...though I hardly believe on this news...this wasn't certainly expected from you..dear...I wish you "GET WELL SOON"...

Mind ..it..........

Its so ajeeeeeb feeling.....With the exciting events lined up...and the unfortunate things happening along with...I am confused what exactly my current mind state....yeah I am pretty happy and enthusiastic about my Swades Trip....but at the same time...with the previous history of broken  expectations I am kinda hiding it...

This always happens with me...If I am totally excited about a particular thing or meeting specific person..that never happens...Its bad I know..but over the time I forget it with a smile...But I have always loved this excitement..it has always made my day...forget the outcome..but those days in between...I love to see me smile..

So its decided...whatever be the case..I am looking forward meeting all of them..once again..with a new hope...with a new curiosity...with lottsaa new things...with my fingers crossed...finally 'mind it' is...will confuse me...for sure...

WHY ?????

I have always thought that people live two lives at a time...The first one is real..the truth..and the other one is imaginary...an illusion yet so loved....The real life is kinda harsh...coz u gotta deal with things that are not in your control, situations forced upon you irrespective of you want to be in them or not, meet, interact and stay with people whom you simple never want to be part of your lives. Of course this doesn't mean that its all bad bad..NO...it has its moments of joys, success and sorrows. You have you loved ones with you....which add sugar n spice to your routine...

The imaginary life on the other hand is the world created by you...the mind to be more precise..There is no entry for sorrows and downfalls here..All it contains are the scenes that your mind creates and your loved ones who enact in it with you...Like a goody goody movie scene..A smile automatically comes when you think of this world...like a cool sudden breeze in desert...you can see "The Real U" just by peeping in here...

So is everything going smooth ? The real fun starts when people whom you want to be in your created world refuse to accept you in the real one..And all those moments, all those incidences all those memories you wish to create with them suddenly seem to fade up...you so wanted to save them and make them happen in the real world...but all in vain...you dont get the proper response from the person you wish to be with...it hurts alott..really...why this happens..well its a mystery...

And my mind is bugged with since a few days...it revolves in a circle and asks me the same question how could that person do it...why...?

Lemme know if anybody has the answer...waiting for it....desperately....

I love movies !!!

I am a total movie freak...specially Bollywood...agreed there are loads of pathetic movies being made...agreed its nowhere compared to Hollywood...agreed it copies stories...Still I love it....coz I can easily relate to it...and if I relate to any character in any god damn movie...I love it...no matter how big flop it is...

I love this medium..it has the strong potential to convince people that there are good things...there are dreams which do come true...there are things...which can only happen in your dreams...It has the power to create a virtual world one can always imagine...always want to live in...so what if mummies have nothing else to do than doing pooja, welcoming with aarti and cooking gajar ka halwa....

What excites me rather attracts me to these movies is those characters they create...one I can always relate to is 'karan shergill' from 'Lakshya'. What a character Javed Akhtar has created...Though the lifestyle is different, professions are different...friends and family mannerisms are different...still that character so real...the way that character reacts...u can always feel...u too would have done it the same way...or similar incident might have had happened with you in the past....I don't know about others...but I do feel being the same person at times...of course no comparison to my favorite Duggu....(hats of to him for this role..)..but yeah..I do look up to being the same person...who is careless at times...total chilled out...loves his friends like anything...loves a girl...but is not aware of his potential...just coz he isn't focused enough...then his transition form that innocent guy to a responsible man...who still has the same feelings..in fact more strong...but now he knows how and when to express them...and now he knows what is Lakshya is....

Coming back to movies..All these characters that are portrayed...they do express the real person of actors, directors at times...I have this strong belief...every actor puts some of his/her real self into the character to extract it out from the paper...to make it real..convincing...live...and if audience can identify with them...its their success...a proper justice to the character....

I have always seen this medium as a way of my inspiration...of course in a positive way....This may sound funny or strange...but yeah its true..may be thats why I have always been referred to as 'total filmy'..and I love it...I have always loved this process of film making...so much of excitement and uncertainty...but yet once the product is out..u get amazed...coz what u have written on paper; is now in reality...one can play with all the emotions possible...can make you feel good, laugh,cry, think and predict at the same time...only 3 hours of time..and it takes you to an entirely different world...like a ride in an amusement park....

And today I m listening to this from a very dear friend..."bhot badal gaye ho tum".....and how I wished to continue...."Tum nai badali ho kya?".........

Time for a CHANGE....

He is in a calm state of mind...He is not so happy about things happening in his way..neither sad coz there are differences with closest friend...its a kind of inert feeling...like water in the river....calm and quiet...

May be this is the time for realization.. Realizing the fact that..all those people he thought are 'his' were never 'his'(except for a few)...realization that 'time' has the power of changing things, moods, behaviors and lives. Realization that there is something 'good' still alive in him...and he needs to find himself once again..Realization that there is a big difference between "hasna" and "muskurana"....

He is happy that he came to US...otherwise he would be in his own dream world...but..he still believes whatever happens is for good only... just few months old here..He is in love with the place..still a lot more to explore...In the beginning there had been all those feelings of homesickness, missing loved ones..(which he still does), mom, ghar ka khana.....missing those things he used to do back home..his bike...and a friend on the back seat..missed talking to somebody below the house...but now...he can safely look at them with a smiling face...He knows for sure...on the other side there is same condition...

But he has understood and accepted the effect of time...has felt the change in the voices of his loved ones, felt their 'busy'ness..felt the irritation in the voice of a dearest frend..for all these months he protected that same old guy from India..like anything...but now he too feels the need for a change..His stack of mind is full with thoughts...Thoughts that have been stucked for soo long..He knows for sure that unless he flushes out all these thoughts...there is no chance for fresh ones...He is eager to accept new feelings, new people, new concepts, new challenges, new changes...everything new...He has a strong desire ...to succeed..to be happy...to smile...to fly like an eagle..to swim like dolphins...Coz this is the right time...the time for a CHANGE.......

Today's reason for sadness

"Hi you have reached the voicemail of Sandeep Thakur. But if you could leave your name and number then I can get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you."

And it will be for...I dont know how long...

making of Me !!!

I have always felt life as an open book...where ppl have written beautiful chapters..life till now has been a wonderful journey and why not..its been influenced by so many ppl...so my first ever attempt to thank all of them...is this blog..coz i couldn't think of any better topic than to write about my favorite ppl.

of course they are not different if you compare it with anybody Else's ..but moreover this is for them. Whatever good i have in me..is all coz of them...it is always said that you value a person if they go far away...may be i have realised it...

Mamma : she is a perfect example of will power...I owe my life to her. She is sweet, hyper, lovely, beautiful and sexy..yeah I do call her that.

Deda : he is my friend and a partner of all my secrets..may be coz of that..i never felt that father-son relationship...coz we always bonded like friends..for me he is still there watching me from that sky..smiling at me for my stupidity and saying "Murkha Mula". You havent gone far from me dad...but yeah I do miss all my pranks on you... I love you...

Supriya my sister : Have been observing her since childhood as we grew up together..She is clever, calm, headstrong,affable,enthu kinda person. have lottsa memories and pranks with her..and now as she is getting married..i am gonna miss all that fun...

Sonya, Sandeep, vishu and Amit: they are V5 people..my true and best frends...I know for sure i can go back to them anytime. They will support me for my blunders. have been with me through all times. they have tought me many things..fun, studies, reliability, straightforwardness and many more things..I'll never forget you guys..where ever I'll go...U have been the the wonderful phase of my life..all those moments are just awsome...

Sonya..I knw the spelling mistake..but thats the way I call her..knows me inside out..my feelings, my thoguhts...my dreams..my confusion..my frustration...I dont care about the solution but I feel better if I just speak to her..she is practical, strong, beautiful, cute, caring and dangerous. She has a solid convincing power..

Pooja...I respect her efforts for changing herself for me...she hates it at times..but still she is doing it..and she is very successful...A cute girl whom I got introduced during engineering...though we were in same class in school...

Sandeep Thakur...I call him M.A.D...We have been friends since more than two years now..and from an online friend he is more of an elder brother to me...I have learnt a lot of things from him..and still learning..A very patient guy..who dared to tolerate me... simply love it..when calls me "Sheru"..."kanjar".."vehla insaan".. look upto him in many things...The strange part is that..in spite of not meeting at all in life..I trust him more than myself..coz I knw he wont give wrong advise to me....I love you brother...and wish you all the success and happiness...

well these ppl form the major part of me...and have always made my life more richer,better and enjoyable..there is no distance too great for love and time is not strong enough to fade away those memories....love you all...